


Different kinds of closeness

by Ansgår (vegardylvisaker)



Series: In your glow [1]
Category: Ylvis
Genre: Incest Mention, M/M, Non AU, suppressed feelings and angry ignorance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2015-08-27
Packaged: 2018-04-17 08:58:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4660503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vegardylvisaker/pseuds/Ansg%C3%A5r
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are different kinds of closeness and theirs required being apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

Even though they are as close as tree and bark, they need their time alone, need their space. It is important for their jobs to spend some time away from each other as well. Not everything is always as rosy as it may seem on TV - they get tired of each other, of course they do - but they are professional enough to keep personal feelings at bay when they are at work. Still, they aren't only colleagues after all, they are also brothers, and they are as close as siblings could be. But at the same time they aren't; There are different kinds of closeness and theirs requires being apart. They both know that.

 

A few months ago Vegard would've been the first one of the two who disappears after they got off stage. He would've been the first one to call it a day and leave his brother behind without saying a word. That is just their thing; Verbal closeness isn't important anymore. After three decades of living alongside each other, their minds think so alike that words are almost unnecessary between them. But now it's different.

Things have changed over the years. Things got better, things got worse. Life goes on and Vegard gets married and Bård gets married and they have to play pretend for each other. They have to act like nothing's wrong, like they are happy for their brother. It may be incredibly hard to face the other one's wife without wanting to be in her place. But that's how it is, and they are brothers, and they are incredibly close without being _close_. It is all just a game that they play to make the outside believe. They have never been more apart.

 

* * *

 

Vegard sits in their shared dressing room and the bright lightbulbs around the mirror illuminate his face. He scrubs his skin clean with a wet cloth and then pinches his cheeks, flattens the skin on his forehead by pulling at it from both sides.

"When did I get so fucking _old_?"

It's not true, of course; At the age of 36, the older Ylvisåker is still in his best years. His muscles aren't stiff yet and his joints don't creak. The lines on his face are barely visible.

Bård, who is nearly three years younger and actually looks much worse, walks into the dressing room and sits down next to his brother. He cleans and examines his face, too, but doesn't pay attention to Vegard.

They don't look at each other and they don't talk. They don't have to, like they don't want to. It's as simple as that, but it isn't; The two brothers are still playing pretend, so none of this is real. Their lack of interest in each other is as fake as the gold ornaments on the dressing room's ceiling.

Vegard opens his mouth to say something but Bård gives him a sharp look from the side. The dark-haired inhales loudly and closes his mouth again.

Bård knows what his brother wants to say. They've been there times and times before, all curled up in their feelings and careful to find the right words, only to have their brother stopping them from spilling them. It's hard to have a relationship with someone who can practially read your mind - you never get to say what you want to say, when you want to say it. They know before you open your mouth and they stop you from saying dangerous things.

Bård goes back to silently analyzing his face from various angles and Vegard wants to let his eyes wander and take in the sight of the beautiful features next to him. But he doesn't dare to watch him - he isn't done pretending yet and Bård is far from giving up the façade he worked on to perfectionate for so long.

Vegard gets up instead, takes off his suit's jacket and the white shirt, and changes into civil clothing. Bård wants to focus on his brother's reflection in the mirror in front of him, but he doesn't; He tells himself it's easier to remember the sight of Vegard's naked skin from twenty years ago than making fresh memories.

They do all they can to keep their masks, their walls, their act, up. They are in each other's space daily, invade the other one's privacy regularly, but they are as far apart as they could possibly be. Emotionally, they can hardly focus on anything but their brother. Mentally, there is nothing between them but a gaping void that they try to fill with work and collegial manners.

In the end, Vegard _does_ leave before his brother, walks out of the room without saying a word. He slams the door to signalize that he is angry at Bård for cutting him off earlier, and Bård smiles a bitter smile. At least they're both still playing.


	2. II

"Is there anything?"

Other than work, other than familiar bonds, other than the obvious, Vegard wants to add. Between us, he wants to say.

Bård knows what his brother thinks, and he knows what he feels, but he shrugs. 

Truth is, there _is_ something, still, after all this time. Truth is, there will always _be_ something and it will always be as strong as it was on day one. But Bård doesn't admit that and Vegard doesn't actually want to hear it, despite his question, because they still pretend.

It's the same game of hide and seek that they're playing for years now, and it doesn't occur to either of them to give it up. Of course not, though - they fear that there'd be nothing left if they stopped pretending.

Because right now they are safe; They are safe at work, between their collegues, and they are safe at home, with their families. Nobody knows and nobody suspects. After all they have always been close, right?

Yes, they have always been close, and they still are, but without being _close_. There is no space left between them and at the same time, Vegard and Bård couldn't be more apart.

They got rid of unnecessary words, and they stopped touching each other in forbidden ways, and they don't express romantic feelings anymore. They never talk about it, either; It is a silent, mutual agreement.

A mutual agreement with a twist - it goes _both_ ways: You don't touch me, I don't touch you. You touch me, I touch you.

Both brothers know that, if either of them were to make the first step, the whole deal would dissolve into thin air. One touch, one kiss, one look, and everything's over. Their self-control would crumble immediately and their past would repeat itself. 

So Vegard only nods after Bård shrugged because really, he didn't expect anything else, and he didn't want to hear anything else. The older one was actually afraid of what his brother could, _would_ answer but Bård seemed to have no interest in sealing their inevitable fate just yet.

Bård gets up from his place on the couch and adjusts his t-shirt. He glances at his watch before turning around to face Vegard.

"Interviewer should be here in five minutes. I'll get something to drink. Want anything?"

Vegard looks up at his brother and their eyes meet only for a brief second and for that quick moment, the curtain of pretense seems to fall a bit. But then the blonde looks away and Vegard clears his throat.

"Yeah, no, I'm good. Hurry up though."

Bård turns around again, nods, and leaves the conference room. Even though it's the younger one who leaves first in this situation, Vegard still feels like he leaves Bård behind. Some things never change, apparently. At least they seem to get closer to the end of the game.


End file.
